Late night lemonade
by Lunar deity
Summary: I was Just falling asleep when I heard a knock. Jace stepped in and his golden hair shined in the moonlight. I stood up and then I noticed what he was wearing. Or not wearing. Jace/OC
1. knock

**To Jace. **

**If you were real, I'd do some very naughty things with you. Sadly Cassandra Clare owns everything.**

**But I still like to play with you.**

**See you tonight.**

**In my dreams.**

* * *

_Okay so I wasn't happy with this chapter so I changed it a bit. And lets be honest the grammar was TERRIBLE._

I was in my bed. Just falling asleep when I heard a knock.

Jace stepped in and his golden hair shined in the moonlight. His eyes looked haunted.

I stood up and then I noticed what he was wearing.

Or not wearing.

He was wearing grey sweatpants and nothing else.

My mouth was dry and I swallowed loudly. I could see his perfectly defined abs and that delicious V that led to happy place. His tattoos looked delicious and lickable.

I wonder what it would be like to run my fingers through his hair. What would his abs feel like? Would it be hard and soft? Would it be just hard? His tattooed arms looked delicious and god how much I want to be in his arms.

''Done checking me out? Jace said while raising his eyebrow.

''What? I wasn't checking you out. I was wondering what the hell are you doing in my room.'' Thank god it was dark so he couldn't see my blush. I pulled the blanket tighter around me. I tried to cover myself as much as possible.

''You so were. I'm kind of use to it.''He leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms. His gaze was hypnotizing.

''Jace what are you doing here.''

He looked lost for a while.

''Can I sleep with you?''

I stiffened.

''Uh-why?''

He stepped closer.

With the last step he was standing next to my bed.

''I don't mean it that way. I just can't sleep.''

I leaned back to look at him.

''I take that as a yes.''

He pulles the blanket away and jumps on the bed. I try to cover myself with rest of the blanket but something happenes. So fast.

Jace leaned closer to me and I leaned away from him. He grabs the rest of the blanket and pulls it. I lose my balance and my hand touches his bare chest. I immediately jump back but then his muscular arm circles around me and pulls me closer. Against him.

I'm wearing only a thin tank top and underwear.

He pulls my chin up so I have to look him in they eyes. His golden eyes that are almost black because it's so dark.

Jace leans and softly touches my lips.

Sending shivers through my body.

He bites and sucks my lower lip and I do the same with his lower.

This is not happening. I'm not making out with my big brother's best friend. I know I've fantasized this for years but what the hell. I'm kissing Jace.

A minute ago I was sleeping alone and now I am making out with my brother's best friend. This is more than weird. I've entered into some twilight zone where nothing made sense but everything's hot as hell. And Jace is the devil. Very hot, gorgeus devil but still he is the devil.

He tightens his arm around me and kisses me fiercely. Then he moves and hovers above me and the I open my thighs. He grabs the blanket and throws it away on the floor.

Then I remember what I have dreamed of doing for years. I run my fingers through his blonde locks and then I wrap the other hand around his neck. He groans and I wrap my legs around him and pull him closer.

I want to get closer.

I'm never close enough.

I wanted to consumed by him. I want him to take me right here and right now. I don't care about my brother or my parents. I just want him.

Only him.

Like it's always been.

Jace moans against my mouth and I have to breathe. He breaks the kiss and breathes loudly while putting his forehead against mine. I look him in the eyes. I feel like I can see his soul.

''I don't have a soul.'' He always says.

And I don't believe him. He has a soul and his soul is pure gold.

My hand travel across his bare chest, feeling the muscles under my hand and then I move it down. I feel his abs contracting against my hand.

I smile.

He chuckles.

''My big brother would kill you if he knew you were here.''

''I know. But I couldn't resist. Besides if this is my last memory then I'll go happy.'' He says and kisses me softly. I trail my hand once more down to his abs and then move my hips against his.

Jace groans and closes his eyes. Then he drops his head against my neck.

''Damn baby girl you are killing me here.''

I feel his hard erection against my hips. I do the movement again with an around motion.

He starts to kiss me and opens his mouth. I open mine.

I move my hips against his once more and then move my other hand down to his back. He is pure muscle.

He starts to kiss and suck my neck.

I feel his mouth next to my ear as he whispers softly. His hair tickles my chin.

''That's a dangerous game you are playing.''

I smile wickedly.

''That's the way I like it.''

He chuckles against my neck.

''No you don't' because I'll be ripping your clothes off if you continue doing that.''

''Fine I'll try to behave.'' I pout.'' Why won't you rip my clothes off?'' He starts to kiss my neck again.

''Because I try to be the good guy here.'' His hand touches my rib cage and he starts to move it lover. My left hand travels down his side.

Then he says. ''You are a virgin, right?'' I stiffen immediately.

''Shhh.'' He says softly. 'Don't be embarrassed. I like it.'' His hand his now just below my breast.

''You do?''

''It means I'm your first.'' Jace have always been arrogant and sure of himself. Ever since we were little. He always looked after me when my big brother wasn't around. He used to say that I will be his wife when we grow up because I'm his best friend's little sister. I just said that I will never get married. Ever. I hated the idea of marriage.

I still do.

A feminist since 1994.

''Why do you think you'll be my first? What if I don't want you to?'' I challenge him. I have always wanted Jace to be my first but he doesn't have to know that.

His hands moves up and he cups my breast while his other hand is softly playing with hem of my top.

I moan under his touch.

''You don't?'' He kisses my cheek and then my nose.

''N-no.''

He sucks my earlobe and then he pinches my nipple and I'm a goner.

''Oh god Jace.''

I kiss him passionately. Our tongue fight of dominance but he wins. Then he starts to pull my shirt up and his hand travels up against my bare, soft stomach. I stiffen a little but it feels too good to miss.

Then our bare stomachs touched.

I'm in heaven. I have died and gone to heaven. I always thought hell would be my place.

Then his left hand cups my right breast.

Oh sweet jesus. It feels good. His other hand travels down, feeling the soft flesh.

I can feel his erection against my core. He is laying between my thighs and slowly caressing my left thigh. Then His hand moves dangerously close to happy place.

I moan.

''Jace someone might.'' Oh god he pinches my nipple.'' Come in.'' I breathe heavily.

''No they won't. And besides I locked the door.'' He kisses me. Our tongues met and he tastes so good. Too good.

But he locked the door? Fancy that.

''We have to stop Baby girl.'' Jace groans against my lips.

''Why?'' I suck his neck and move my hands across his tattooed back. I still try to pull him closer.

I fucking love that tattoo.

''Because soon I'm not able to.''

He pulls my shirt down and moves next to me. He wrapped his arm around me and pulls me against him so my back is against his chest.

''Good night Baby girl.'' He kisses my neck.

''Good night Jace.'' I whisper and close my eyes.

Where have I gotten myself into?

* * *

**Yeah this is a short lemonade. I don't know if I'll continue writing this.**

**I wish my big brother had a friend like Jace. **

**Sigh.**

**Not my best work I have to admit.**


	2. Beautiful as the moon

******Cassandra Clare owns Jace of course but I just play with him.**

**Hope you'll...Love it.**

**To Alcohol. **

**You are a bitch but thank you for those awkward moments.**

* * *

_Before Ch 1._

_Because of you_  
_ I never stray too far from the sidewalk_  
_ Because of you_  
_ I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_  
_ Because of you_  
_ I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me_  
_ Because of you_  
_ I am afraid._

_ Kelly Clarkson._

* * *

There he was in all his glory. Standing in front of me with a beer in his hand. He was laughing and then he threw his head back and took zip from his beer. It all happened in slow motion. He was wearing black jeans and a white T-shirt. That's all he needed to wear to get every girls' attention here. Including mine. He is one of those guys that scream sexy and confidence. He gets the girl.

He was talking with his friends but I didn't pay much attention to them.

Because he is Jace. When you see a guy like him you don't pay attention to anyone else.

He has tattoos. Big ones. It covers his arm almost completely. He has a dragon tattoo on his back and it continues down his right side and his chest is half covered by some tribal tattoo like his right arm. There are sentences in Latin on his left side and on his left arm.

I look at him but he doesn't notice. He never does. But I am here. ''_look at me'' _I want to scream_. Just look at me. I've been here all along_.

My brother is having one of his epic parties that start the summer. It's like this tradition where everyone wants to come.

I sit on the borsch with a beer in my hand. Looking at me moon and then back to Jace. Comparing which is more beautiful. Jace and his hair that shines in the moonlight or the moon itself.

Jace is winning.

Everybody is having a good time. They are laughing and having fun. Drinking and throwing it up. And then they drink again.

It's my fifth beer and I don't feel a thing. ''You drink like a man'' my brother always tells me. I disagree. I can drink a lot but usually I decide not to.

I glance at Jace and he is talking with some red-haired girl. She is thin and pretty with freckles on her nose. She is small and short. Just cute. Only cute though.

My heart clenches. It breaks like it always does.

But I'm used to it by now.

Jace glances at me but I look away, turning my back to him.

I can't look at him. It hurts.

_Yeah that's what you get when you have a crush on your big brother's best friend._

The wind is chilly and I wrap my arms around me.

''Cold?'' Rough voice asks behind me. I close my eyes and enjoy it.

''Just a little.'' Then he puts something on my shoulders. It's his jacket. He puts his hands on my shoulders and then moves them up and down, rubbing them. I can smell him. He smells like Jace. Like the Sun, oranges and wood. I don't know what the sun smells like but if it had a smell then it would be this.

He comes to sit next to me and wraps one arm around me and pulls me against me. I close my eyes. Enjoying his close proximity.I shudder and it's no because of the wind.

''Why are you here all by yourself?'' He whispers against my ear. I feel his hot breath and it smells like beer.

''Enjoying the view.'' I say while ignoring my beating heart. My heart is my traitor. My heart tells the truth.

''It's beautiful.''

I still don't look at him. I can't.

I look at my hands instead.

''You should be there Lara. Partying.'' I chuckle. Little does he know that there is no one I want to party with. I don't belong there. This is not me.

''So should you college boy.'' I meet his gaze. His beautiful golden gaze.

He smiles kindly. Like a big brother should.

''I have partied enough believe me. One who says that you can survive through college without a liver failure is a liar.'' I laugh.

He went to college last year. He is two years older than me. Two years that feel so long but then again so short.

''I bet. Then why are you here?''

''It's a tradition Lara.'' I remember our tradition. He dances with me every year when the school ends. It's the highlight of the year for me.

He stands up and pulls me with him and my heart misses a beat. He takes my hand into his big ones and pulls me closer.

I put my hand on his shoulder.

''We don't have the right music Jace.'' I whine.

''So? It's a tradition.'' Then he takes the lead.

We aren't actually dancing. We are just lifting our legs lazily.

''What have you being doing lately? Any boys? Do I need to kick someone's ass?'' His tone is teasing but his eyes are serious. There is no yellow glint in them. He has a black belt in karate and few years back he started free boxing. I use to love watching him fight. It's an erotic sight to see him fighting. Kicking and punching. All sweaty.

''No, no boys.'' _Only you._

''How come?'' I bite my lower lip. His tone is gentle and caring.

''No one interesting.''

He laughs at that.

''Yeah no one is good enough for my little sister.''

My heart breaks.

It cracks.

It hurts.

I want to throw up again. ''_Can't you see me?_ I want to yell again. ''I_ am not your little sister.''_

''Yeah that's what you keep telling me. So no girls I should know about?'' I can't look at him while I say that because he surely would see the jealousy in my eyes.

''No, not really.'' Have I mentioned that Jace is the biggest manwhore in this town? He is always with a different girl.

''Still a manwhore?'' I challenge him.

We have stopped moving.

''A manwhore? You think so little of me? I'm hurt.''

''That's what you are. A manwhore.''

He laughs.

''I'm just having fun? Is that so wrong?''

''No it's not.'' Some girls always say that players break hearts but I disagree. Girl can have fun without things to get complicated.

''So you still want to go and study architecture?''

He remembers it. I've always wanted to be an architect. Since I was a kid.

''Yes I want to. But my mom thinks I should study to become a doctor or a nurse. She wants me to be some fucking Laura Ingalls. Braids were never my thing though.''

Jace laughs and lets go of my hand and steps away. My hands feel cold. I hug myself again.

''You should go for it. It's your life.''

I know. I know. But I can't control it.

''It is. But I-'' I start to say when I hear a voice behind me. It's high and girly.

''Jace I'm leaving. You coming?''

''Yeah just give me a sec.'' I don't turn around. I know who she is. It's the red-head. With the cute freckles. .

I give him his jacket while looking at the moon. Then again the moon is beautiful. It never leaves you so it can have sex with a red-head.

''Thanks.'' I say to him. My voice doesn't sound like mine. It's someone else's. Someone who is strong and doesn't care. I sit back down.

I don't want to care.

But I do.

And it's killing me.

''So see you soon?''

''Yeah, see you.''

With that he walks away. I can't look at him walking away because if I do I will fall down on the floor, holding my chest. Keeping myself together.

I'm keeping myself together by not looking.

''I am here.'' I whisper but only the wind hears me. I sit there for few minutes but then few of my brothers friends come to smoke next to me and I decide it's time to call it a night.

I walk to the living room. There is my brother. My idiot brother is drinking Vodka straight from the bottle. Everybody else is cheering and clapping their hands.

''Drink, drink, drink.'' They all shout. I roll my eyes. You would think my brother would've grown up in college but oh no. He's still a kid.

I run my fingers through my dark blonde hair.

''Lara you have grown!'' Someone says drunkenly behind me. I roll my eyes. I hate people who are drunk when I'm sober.

I turn around and there is Sebastian Verlac, barely able to stand in his own two feet. He leans against the staircase. He is one of my brother's friends.

He smells like week old liquor. I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

No shit Verlack. No shit.

''Well that can happen in a year.'' I smile and looking a way to escape. Someone throws up in my mother's vase.

My brother is going to have fun cleaning this mess before our parents come back from Florida.

''What the fuck man!'' I hear my brother shouting. I cant help but to laugh as I see him holding the vase.

Sebastian steps closer to me and grabs my arm.

''You look really good.'' I pull my hand away.

''Whatever Verlac.''

''No I'm not kidding you look really pretty.'' He slurs with his eyes almost closed. His black hair is sweaty and his skin is wet.

He smells like vomit.

''Thank you.'' I move past him and run upstairs to the bathroom. I open the door and there is a couple making out.

Oh no, not making out, they are eating each other's. The brunette girl sits on top the sink and the blonde boy is between her legs.

The girl turns her blue eyes to me.

''What the fuck you are you staring at you perv?''

''Sorry. I should learn how to knock.'' I roll my eyes and turn away. Slamming the door behind me. I open the window and jump on the bed. I take off my blue skinny jeans and my black silk top.

I grabbed some old t-shirt on the floor and pull the blanket over me.

I've had a crush on Jace since I was little. The first time I met him was years ago when I was seven. When we moved here and Jace was the boy next door. We used to play together all the time.

Me, my brother and called ourselves the three musketeers. But when the boys grew up and went to junior high everything changed. Boys grew up, well at least it felt like it. Soon girls noticed Jace and he noticed them.

We didn't play anymore because they were ''big boys now'' and big boys don't play with little sisters anymore.

That year Jace wasn't only the boy next door. I noticed him too. I didn't want to admit it to myself but I've had a crush on him since then. I've watched him date other girls. I've watched them throwing themselves at him and I have watched him enjoy it.

Every time I die little bit inside because I know that he sees me only his friends little sister.

I compare every guy to him. ''His hair isn't gold like Jace's'' or ''He doesn't have beautiful eyes like Jace does.'' and ''He can't make me laugh like Jace can.'' And the list goes on.

I can't do this anymore but I can't stop. I have tried. I went to a date few months back but it didn't feel right. I don't want to date just for the sake of dating.

I rather be alone and single. I love being single to be honest. I love being alone. I hate those kind of girls and boys that are always with someone. They break up with someone and two days later they are with someone else.

Forever alone and enjoying it.

My brother always teases me because I don't date anyone but if I dated someone he would probably kick the guy's ass.

Talk about a hypocrite.

I close my eyes.

I fall asleep.

* * *

**Okay so I decided to continue this. The idea itself is too delicious to miss. At first I wrote the first chapter in my native language but then I translated it into English. That didn't work out so well and I'm not satisfied with the ch 1. **

**Review. **


	3. Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly

**English is not my mother tongue so sorry for all the mistakes. I have this very bad habit of writing when it's really late and I'm really tired. Old habits die hard...**

**Cassandra Clare owns mortal instruments but I own the plot. Besides if I were Cassandra Clare the books would be more like Fifty shades trilogy (without the child though.) ... Mmm supernatural Fifty shades... Well there's an idea! **

**To big brothers**

**And their hot friends.**

* * *

_But she wears short skirts_  
_I wear t-shirts_  
_She's cheer captain_  
_And I'm on the bleachers_  
_Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find_  
_That what you're looking for has been here the whole time._

_If you could see_  
_That I'm the one_  
_Who understands you._  
_Been here all along._  
_So, why can't you see—_  
_You belong with me,_  
_You belong with me?_

**Taylor swift**

* * *

******Hopelessly I love you endlessly.**

Jace's lips were hungry against mine. He was like a dying man desperate for the last drop of water. Mine was just as hungry. His hands were tangled in my hair and he was pulling my head back. My hands were on his hard stomach, feeling the muscles underneath. We were in my kitchen and then he let go of my hair and grabbed my thighs and lifted me on the kitchen table. He settled himself between my thighs and I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him closer.

I needed to breathe so I broke the kiss. Jace started kiss and suck my neck and his hands were everywhere. Touching my hips, my thighs and then he touched my breast.

''Oh god.'' I moaned and my eyes rolled back. I tugged his shirt up and then he lifted his arms so I could pull it over his head. I drooled at the sight of his tattooed arms and chest.

I licked and kissed his neck and I want to trace that tattoo with my tongue. I want to know what he tastes like. Does he taste sweet or bitter or does he have a unique taste.

Jace breathed heavily.

I wanted more. I wanted everything. Everything he has to give.

He started pull my shirt up I was suddenly very cold.

I woke up with a gasp and I was freezing. I didn't remember to close the window. I pulled my white blanket tighter around me and I shivered underneath it. I thought about closing the window but then I decided that it was too far and it was too cold to do it.

It was all a dream. I felt disappointed and horny. I rubbed my thighs together and groaned. Jace in person leaves me all hot and bothered but when I see a dream of him and me making out it makes me want to take a cold shower. A really long and cold shower.

Is it ironic that he woke up today with a girl in his bed and I woke up after having a hot dream of him? He was having sex and I was dreaming of having sex with him. I resisted the urge to cry of throw something.

This isn't the first time Jace has left with some whore. I thought bitterly. I've hated everyone he has ever dated. Hate isn't a word strong enough. I have loathed, cursed all the women he's been with. But the truth I don't want to admit to myself that the Jace is the biggest whore of them all.

I'm in love, no, not in love I refuse to use the word love, I have a big, huge, massive crush with the biggest manwhore known to mankind.

And that's why I hate him.

I hate him.

I hate him.

I hate his golden eyes, I hate his golden hair, I hate his looks, I hate how he makes me laugh. I hate how he makes me feel.

But I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

There's the word again. Love.

No I don't love him. I can't love him. I don't love him. I just like his looks.

Things are messed up when you are lying to yourself. Lara Carson you are a big, fat liar. Lying to someone is somewhat acceptable but it is unacceptable to lie to yourself.

I hate my mind. I wish I could shut it off sometimes. Why there isn't a button where I could turn off my brain?

I groaned again and ran my fingers through my messy hair. I was still freezing. I should get up and go to see the destruction what the party has caused.

My parents are going to kill Jonathan if something is broken. I got up and wrapped my blanket around me. I grabbed a pair of grey sweatpants and a black tank top. I didn't bother to brush my hair. I stepped out of my room. Okay there are few glasses here and there but nothing is broken. I went to downstairs and it was a total mess.

My brother is so fucked.

He was lying on the coach with some brunette girl. She had a shoulder length straight hair and she was almost orange because of her fake tan. They both were snoring and they were naked and they had a blanket around them. Okay I do not need to see this. I quickly looked away. There were red mugs everywhere and there were rubbish and clothes everywhere. Clothes? Did my brother have some kinf of orgia while I was asleep?

Disgusting.

There was food everywhere. On the floor, table and even on the wall. The whole place smelled like liquor and somebody had thrown up in the living room. I walked to the kitchen.

I opened the fridge and there was nothing healthy to eat. AWESOME. This day just keeps getting better. I was starving so I just grabbed a slice of pizza.

I grabbed a clean plate and put the slice in the micro.

''My head is killing me.'' I heard my brother's voice behind me. I turned around and thank god he wasn't naked anymore. He had jeans on.

He sat on the table and looked like he was in pain.

''How can you eat?'' He groaned. I noticed that he had hickeys all around his neck. I couldn't help but to laugh. He never learns. His hair was a mess and the ends pointed in every direction. I sat down.

I just shrugged and started eating.

''I feel sick.'' He said again. He looked like he was about to throw up and he leaned his head against the kitchen table.

''Yeah Vodka can do that to you.'' I grinned and took a bite.

Food . The love of my life.

''I know I know. Man I was drunk.''

''So who's the orange girl in the living room.'' Jonathan looked like he wanted to throw up again. He made a gagging voice.

''I don't know. Some chick.'' Charming. My brother is good looking with blonde hair and bright green eyes. He used to play football in high school and he and Jace were on the school team. That made them popular with the ladies.

''So are you saying that you just fucked a girl and you have no idea who she is?'' I raised my eyebrows and my brother grinned wickedly.

''Wouldn't be the first time.'' I laughed. He had lipstick on his chest. Seriously disgusting. I don't want to know about my brother's sex life.

''Okay you just ruined my appetite.'' I said sarcastically.

''Nothing can ruin your appetite Lala.'' He said using my old nickname. He and Jace used to call me that when we were younger. I used to call him Jojo. Jonathan is too long for a five year old anyway.

''You are right Jojo. But don't make an aunt anytime soon. I'm not ready for it.'' Now he looked even more sick.

''And you think I'm ready to be a dad? Hell I'm living my wild youth.'' He raised an eyebrow.

''Morning.'' Someone said and I looked up. Oh shit. Aline Penhallow. The queen bitch at our high school. I dropped my slice of pizza I was just about to take a bite. His random don't-know-the chicks-name-fuck is Aline fucking Penhallow? My brother has no class. Her skin was almost bright orange and her brunette hair was a mess. Also she looked like a raccoon because her mascara was running down her cheeks.

''Morning.'' Jonathan said without looking at her. She glanced at me for a moment and disgust were obvious on her face.

''Uh, Jonathan can I have you number. So we can like meet..or something.'' My mouth was still open. Jonathan looked uncomfortable and looked at me for help. He tried to come up with some excuse for not giving his phone number. Then he sighed and turned around.

''Sure.'' He turned and grabbed Aline's phone from her fingers and dialed his number.

''See you Jon.'' She walked away but she didn't wear any shoes because she carried her high heels in her hand.

''You..Fucked…Aline…Penhallow?'' I asked with a shocked voice.

''Her name is Aline? I thought it was Anna or Ali.'' He looked thoughtful. I got up and took a glass of water and sat back down.

''You can't be serious Jon. What did you see in her?'' I asked in disbelief.

''I didn't. Vodka did.'' Yeah right. Blame it on the alcohol.

''Thanks for having my back by the way.''

''Hey you made your bed and now you have to lie in it. Literally.'' I grinned. I was kind of fun seeing my brother squirming.

''Your heart is made of ice.'' He laughed and then he stole a bite of my pizza. I slapped his hand.

''No, it's made of stone. Ice can melt.'' I grinned.

I heard the door open and someone walked in. My brother groaned and muttered something under his breath. If it's Aline I will kick her out myself.

But then I saw gold. Jace walked in and he had a box of donuts with him. He was wearing the same dark jeans from yesterday that hugged his ass perfectly.

Control your hormones Lara. I ordered myself. He doesn't have to know that those jeans make you want to push him on the table and have your way with him.

He had a black leather jacket on him.

Holy fuck. My heat started pounding in my chest. I could feel it. I could almost taste it. I've thought of stealing that jacket so many times. I could sleep in it or walk around town so everybody would think I'm Jace's girl. I like that idea of being Jaces's girl. He had a black button up shirt on. I swallowed embarrassingly loudly.

''Good morning.'' He said with a smooth voice. He but the donuts box on the table and he sat next to Jon. I immediately looked down and started to play with the glass.

''Morning.'' Jon and I said in the same time.

''So who was the chick I saw leaving?'' I looked up and saw Jace raising an eyebrow at Jon.

''Who was the red-haired chick?'' Jon challenged back.

My stomach dropped and I felt disappointed. I had hoped that he hadn't gone with her but apparently he had. I tried not to look like I was about to cry and turned my attention to my pizza.

''Oh she was Clary. Remember the chick I dated in high school?'' Oh she was the Clary. I remember that I wanted to destroy that chick for being Jace's girlfriend. They always walked around the school hand in hand and hugging and kissing and every time I fought the urge to cry or hit her.

I am a horrible person. She didn't do anything to me, quite the opposite actually.

I had to watch them every day together though. At school and sometimes even at home. I hated it. Absolutely hated it. Usually I used to escape to my room every time they came by.

I guess that was when me and Jace grew apart. We didn't talk like we used to. We could spend hours just sitting and talking. I loved that. He understood me and I understood him. Until we didn't talk about stuff anymore. I just ignored him and after a while he started to ignore me. I didn't want him to talk about his girlfriend. I just couldn't.

It wasn't his fault that every time he talked about her or I saw him with some girl I died little bit inside. Piece by piece my heart broke. And it's still broken.

''I didn't recognize her.''

''So who was the orange chick?'' I chuckled and looked at Jace with amused eyes. His golden eyes had a yellow glint in them.

''She was Aline.'' Jon said with a bored voice. He looked uncomfortable and then he stood up .

''I'm gonna put some clothes on.'' Then he left and ran upstairs.

Me and Jace were alone. I shifted uncomfortably. I've been alone with Jace million times before but somehow it felt awkward.

Because I have to pretend that I don't care about Clary or anyone.

''So anything exciting happened after I left?'' He said and shrugged off his black leather jacket. I stared at his muscular chest.

''Uh..No. Not really. I went to bed early.'' I said sounding like a loser. Jace looked at me with surprised eyes.

''Why? The night was still young.'_' Because you weren't there._

I shrugged and avoided his gaze. I didn't want to say that I didn't want to be there without him.

''I was tired and Sebastian was getting on my nerves.'' I took a chocolate donuts from the box. I looked up and Jace looked angry.

Really angry. His hands were clenched into fists and he looked like he wanted to kill someone.

''What?'' I asked.

''He tried something?'' He said it with a growl. His tone sent shivers down my spine.

''Um- No not really he just said I looked pretty.''

''Stay away from Sebastian. I mean it Lara.'' He looked serious and my heart skipped a beat.

'Why?'' I asked and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

''Because I said so.'' He snapped at me.

''Okay, okay I will.'' I said. Then I saw Jonathan walking down. He had dark blue jeans on and a white wife beater.

Jonathan sat beside Jace and took a donut.

''So who is this Aline?'' Jace asked with a grin. Jonathan sighed and he had obviously hoped that Jace would've forgotten Aline.

''She is a girl at my school.'' I said before Jon had time to react. He kicked me under the table and I just laughed harder.

''Damn Jon you were with a high school student?''

''Yes.'' Jonathan said like it was no big deal.

''You must be desperate. No high school girls remember? Bad news and they are clingy as fuck.'' Jace sounded disgusted and he looked disgusted as well.

My stomach dropped so hard it hurt. I suddenly stood up and threw the plate on the table next to the dishwasher.

I didn't want to hear Jonathan's answer. I ran upstairs and went to the bathroom. I looked at myself. I saw a girl who looked tired. My pale skin and blonde hair looked lifeless. My dark hazel eyes stood up too much and my nose was too big for my face. I touched it lightly.

Jace doesn't do high school girls. My heart was still pounding and it was only because of Jace. With every pound it hurt more. I rubbed my chest.

I'm never good enough for him am I? I'm never pretty enough, beautiful enough. I'm not funny enough. Never enough.

I'm not even old enough. I laughed but it wasn't a happy laugh.

I brushed my hair.

I opened the bathroom door and pumbed into a muscular chest. I lost my balance and tattooed arms circled around me and pulled me more firmly against that muscular chest. I felt his hands on my back and his warmth circled me. I looked up and looked into a pair of beautiful, captivating golden eyes. Jace looked at me intensively and didn't let go.

Then I inhaled through my nose and smelt the most amazing smell ever. It was full, manly and smelt like Jace. I could smell the sun. Like an ice cream in the sun I melted in Jace's arms.

''You okay?''Jace asked roughly.

That feeling when you forget how to speak.

''Yes. I'm fine.'' His arms were still around me. I never want him to let go.

Hold me. Just hold me.

''You left suddenly. I didn't insult you didn't I?'' He asked with a voice full of worry.

''In your dreams Wayland.'' I tried to smile to assure him that I wasn't affected by him.

I ignored my beating heart.

I ignored the pain.

I ignored that I was trying to ignore him. I was living in ignorance at it worked.

Until it doesn't.

Jace smiled his crooked smile and chuckled.

''So we are cool?'' _No. We are not. Not until I'm yours and you are mine._

''Of course.'' He looked like he didn't believe me.

''Good.'' Then he dropped his hand and stepped back.

I immediately missed his warmth.

I quickly looked away and almost ran to my room. I closed the door and leaned against it. I breathed heavily and closed my eyes.

All I could see was gold.

* * *

**Ahh desperate love. I can't help but to love it. Thank you for the reviews! I was so surprised that someone actually liked this. Hmm Wonder why Jace doesn't want Lara near Sebastian...**

**Review.**

**Yours**

**Lunar deity**


	4. Pretender's heart

**I've fallen in love with this story and I really enjoy writing this.**

**Cassandra Clare owns Mortal instruments.**

**To people we used to know.**

* * *

**Told myself that you were right for me**  
**But felt so lonely in your company**  
**But that was love and it's an ache I still remember**

**You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness**  
**Like resignation to the end, always the end**  
**So when we found that we could not make sense**  
**Well you said that we would still be friends**  
**But I'll admit that I was glad it was over**

**-Gotye**

* * *

I heard a knock behind me and someone started push the door open. The door pumbed against me and I jumped. I was breathing heavily and opened the door with shaken hands. I knew who it was. It was Jace. I want to see him and I don't want to see him. I looked at him. Jace stood there and I lifted my chin so I could look at him in the eyes. He looked worried. My heart skipped a beat. I wonder how much one's heart can survive. I'm getting semi heart attacks around him.

Jace grabbed my hands into his big ones. His hands were warm and the he rubbed my hands between his. I felt electric shock going through me and I gasped lightly. I looked at our joined hands. My skin was much paler than his. His skin was tanned. It was beautiful.

''I don't believe you.'' I knew it. He always knows when I'm lying. I've been pretending around him for years so why does it feel so difficult now? I've been pretending to be happy about him and his new girlfriend; I've watched him kiss her and pretended it doesn't break my heart. I've done a lot of pretending and I have to pretend fluently now.

I'm tired of pretending but I don't have a choice. He can't know. I'm sure he doesn't know.

I hope he doesn't know.

I looked up and forced myself to smile.

''You don't believe what?'' There's the strangers voice again. It's not mine. This voice is a pretender's voice. It's hollow and lifeless.

Hollow like me.

Hollow like my life.

Just hollow.

Jace touched my cheek and smiled kindly. He is always kind with me. Whenever I see him with someone else he smiles his wicked, crooked, cocky smile. I don't want him to be kind. I want him to be bad and a player. I want him to want me like he wants other girls. I want him to be just Jace and no one else. I don't want him to pretend to be someone else.

''I don't believe that you are not offended.'' He said but his eyes told a different story. That's not what he meant. I didn't know what to say.

''I'm not.'' Then he pulled my hands to his lips and kissed my knuckles. I resisted the urge to sigh and lean closer to him. Would he hug me? Please hug me. I want to feel his arms around me again, tighter this time. I want to feel his skin against mine. His lips against mine.

''Your hands are cold.'' He said against my hands.

''My hands are always cold.'' I said automatically. His beautiful hair was messy and the ends curled slightly. I wanted to run my fingers through it.

''I know.'' He whispered. Then he dropped my hands down, but not letting them go.

''I'm sorry.'' Don't be sorry golden boy. You can't do anything to it. It's all me. I am messed up.

''Don't be. I'm fine.'' My voice was still hollow. My voice is my savior. It lies for my heart. My heart tells the truth but my voice lies.

''Don't lie to me Lara. Never lie to me. You promised.'' I did. But all the promises I've made have been broken. I broke them. He broke them. When we were younger this one boy always bullied me. Said mean things to me and pulled my hair. One day I was crying and walking home when Jace saw me. He came to ask what was wrong. I didn't say anything I just said that ''I'm fine.'' And wiped my tears away. Then he took my hand in his and asked what was wrong again and he kept asking until I told him.

''Never lie to me Lala.''

''I won't.''

''You promise?''

''I promise.''

…..

''I'm not lying to you.'' I said forcefully.

Then his grip tightened and he started to push me backwards. He was more than a head taller than me and he looked at me whole time he was pushing. He always makes me feel so small.

Then my feet hit the edge of my bed and I fell down. Jace dropped himself on the bed as well. For a minute I thought he was going to come on top of me but then he dropped himself next to me.

I felt disappointed. I looked disappointed.

He was next to me and then his feet touched mine, Tangled with mine. I have found heaven. My heaven is being with Jace.I closed my eyes and breathed.

''What's wrong.'' I sighed and turned to look at him. I could just lean closer and kiss him or put my head on his muscular chest.

''Why do you keep pushing this Jace?'' He looked hurt for a while. His forehead creased andavoided my gaze.

''We don't talk anymore.'' He finally said. He had noticed.

''We do.''

''Not like we used to. When you had a huge crush on me.'' My heart stopped for a while and my stomach dropped. But then I noticed his face. He was smirking and smiled this crooked smile. His golden eyes had a mischief glint in them. I hit his hard chest.

''I did not have a crush on you!'' I smiled. Hope he doesn't see the truth behind my eyes.

He chuckled and looked down. I could see his long eyelashes and they were also the shade of dark gold. Oddly beautiful and then he looked up and I was once again hypnotized.

''Well, I can't blame you. I mean look at me.'' He pointed his body.

''I could never have a crush someone who is so conceited.''

"The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me. Though I like to use the word self-assured.'' I rolled my eyes.

''Same meaning different word.''

''And you are living in denial.'' He stated. How right he is in this matter.

''Some day you are going to meet someone who is going to wound your huge ego.'' He lifted his right hand and began to trace the veins on my left arm. Up and down. His touch was light as a feather. My skin turned to goose pumbs.

''I have already met her.'' He looked down and smiled lightly. My heart was full of hope and disappointment. I hope he speaks of me but in the same time he can speak of someone else. Hope is a bad thing. When you don't have hope then you can't get disappointed.

''Who is she?'' He laughed and looked down again. His hand stopped and then he intertwined our fingers. Holding my hand.

''Why don't we talk anymore?'' He ignored my question completely.

Don't hope.

Don't hope.

Everything's fine until you don't hope.

But my heart is a traitor. It hopes.

''Jace Wayland, are you avoiding the question?'' I raised my eyebrows.

''Are you?''

I sighed.

''I don't know. I guess we just stopped talking.'' I finally said.

''No. You stopped talking.'' Can you understand that I can't talk to you. Please understand. If you have ever cared about me then you let this go.

I wish he could read minds.

''It just felt weird. You had your friends and your football and..'' ... And your girlfriend. I wasn't lying. I just wasn't telling him the whole truth. I was bending the truth.

''Football?'' He raised an eyebrow. ''You stopped talking to me because of football? I thought that me in that jacket would leave any girl all hot and bothered. ''He said with a smile. Then he continued.''I didn't have you though.'' His golden eyes looked genuine. Gold has many shades. It can look soft and liquid and it can look harsh. It can look dark it can look light.

''You did. So who is the girl?''

''Hard to remember. I'm a busy man.'' I groaned.

''Yes and you have been busy since elementary school.''

''A guy like me? What did you expect.''

''Such a big words. I bet that you are all sensitive and insecure underneath.''

''Yes you are right. I cry myself to sleep every night.'' He put his hand on his chest and looked like he was about to cry.

''Be serious Jace for once in your life.''

''I did once. It was horrible.'' He said immediately. He was smirking and enjoying this.

''You are unbelievable.''

''I know.'' He wiggled his eyebrows. Oh god his words go straight to my panties. He can go to my panties. Any day, any where.

I couldn't help but to laugh.

''I missed you though.'' He continued but I turned my head away. Looking at my white sealing. I know golden boy because I have missed you too.

''I thought you were busy golden boy.'' I teased. Joking is always safe.

''Golden boy?'' He asked and then continued. ''Baby girl if I didn't know you I could almost think you are jealous.'' Baby girl. Yes let me be your girl. He doesn't know about my jealousy. My anger. My despair. He's been away for almost a year now and I hate it. I've seen him couple times after he left but we never talked properly.

''Hey you said you missed me I just asked why.''

''Of course I would miss my little sister.''

''I'm not your little sister.'' I murmured quietly. I had to.

He sighed next to me.

''I know.'' I turned to look at him and at the same time he turned to look at me. Our eyes locked. There was this little girl inside of me that wanted to turn my gaze away and giggle and blush. Or just escape under the bed. I wanted to hide from the world, I wanted to hide from Jace. Hide from his golden gaze. I can't handle this much of Jace. My poor, poor heart won't survive. I know that when I see him with some girl or when he leaves to college I will miss him too much.

I'll miss my golden boy.

I'll miss talking to him.

I'll miss his golden eyes.

I'll miss the beating of my heart.

''So any plans for the summer?'' I asked to lighten the mood. I looked around my room. It was messy, clothes everywhere and my white walls looked boring.

''No, not really. Maybe I'll go camping at some point. You?''

''Sounds good. Not really. So any nice stories about college?'' I asked with a slight laugh. He turned to his right side and raised himself up on his elbow. I suddenly felt very naked under his gaze. My breathing was shallow. Then he raised his left hand moved my hair away from my face. He touched my face softly.

''Too filthy for you to hear.'' He said with a cocky smirk. I wanted to hit that smirk off his face but I couldn't move. I wanted him to kiss me. Just kiss me. Don't hold me. Just kiss me.

But does he still think I'm some little girl that needs saving? I wish I was older and more experienced. I wish I could meet him as a stranger.

''I'm not a little girl Golden boy.'' I said with a smile.

''I know that too.'' He said.

''You do? Because it doesn't sound like it.'' He frowned and looked away from my eyes. I missed his eyes immediately.

''Don't grow up Lala.'' He said and dropped his hand from my cheek. I missed his warmth. He is still in the room with me and I miss him already.

You are too far away golden boy.

Come closer.

Never close enough.

''Why? I thought it would be fun. You get to do what you want and that stuff. You wanted to be an adult when you were a teenager,''

''Yes well I also wanted to dye my hair black and wrestle with a lion.'' I laughed. Jace with a black hair. He would look stunning of course but he wouldn't look like my golden boy with a black hair.

''Wrestle with a lion what the hell?''

''It would be fun.

''The lion would win.''

He raised an eyebrow and gave me a skeptical look.

''You sure? Have you seen me fighting? And I want to be a kid.'' I have seen Jace fighting and it was truly a sight to see. He fights with such a grace that is impossible for a lesser man.

''Why do you want to be a kid?''

''Because I want to be immature and sneak out. Eat ice cream and candy so much that I feel sick.''

''You can still do that Jace.'' I laughed with him.

''It's just not the same. I can't ground myself.''

''Now I want ice cream.'' I whined and my stomach growled. I just ate pizza and now I'm hungry. Again.

''Yes ice cream is good. Especially when you put on someone and then lick-''

''Ewww.'' I hit him with my arm.'' I don't need to know your fantasies.''

''I knew you weren't ready to hear about my college time. And it's not a fantasy.'' Then his phone started ringing. He grabbed his black Black phone from his pocket.

Jace answered with a rough voice.

''Yeah?''

I heard a woman's voice. High and pitchy again. It was her, I could feel it. I sighed and looked away. I don't want to look at his smile when he speaks to her. I want to be reason he smiles. I wish I didn't have to hear this. I took my hand from his and put it on my chest. I don't want to hold his hand while he speaks to her. I want nothing.

''Okay see you then.'' He finally said and put his phone away.

I could feel his eyes on me but I didn't look at him.

''I have to go.'' He said and got up. I stayed on the bed.

''Go and eat your ice cream.'' I tried to make it sound like a joke but my voice was too bitter.

''Nah I'll rather eat it with you.'' Then he leaned down again. I could feel his hot breath on my face. His golden locks tickled my face.

I didn't breathe. Is he going to kiss me? Please kiss me kiss me kiss me kiss me.

Then he lowered his head and kissed me on the cheek. I could feel the blood pumping in my veins. I couldn't help the smile that formed and I don't want to. If this is all I'm going to ever get from him then I'll be happy with it.

I feel alive.

I blushed.

''See ya baby girl.'' He winked and pushed himself up and walked away.

And I got a nice view of his butt. I took the pillow and put it on my face. There was this feeling inside of me every time I talk to Jace. I felt almost dizzy, my cheeks were warm and I couldn't stop smiling. Everything sounded, tasted and felt better with him. World was a better place when I was in my own little Jace bubble. And I don't want to leave.

I heard my phone beeping and Magnus was calling. I answered.

''Hey Bimbo.'' I chuckled. I wonder if it's possible to smile too much.

''Hey glitter.'' Magnus was usually covered in pink glitter whenever I saw him. He is the same age as I am and my best friend. Totally gay of course.

''Still obsessing about the hottie bad boy next door ?'' He asked.

''Obsessed is a pretty strong word.'' I laughed and of course he was right. I was obsessed and I liked it and in the same time I hated it. It's so safe to have a crush on a guy that you have zero chance with. Nothing will ever happen between us.

''Yet it's the right word. So he is home. Is he still hot?''

''Hell yes. Haven't seen your favorite boy Alec though.'' Magnus swears that Alec is gay. I don't believe him yet.

''I had a hot dream about him. I had sex with him in the janitor's closet.''

''Gross don't tell. I might need therapy.''

''Your mind is as dirty as mine is. It Is I who needs therapy. I have listened all of your Jace fantasies. Including the kitchen table.''

''Mmmm..Kitchen table.'' I was again in my Jace bubble. I don't care.

''I know. I know he is hot but c'mon you have to find someone else to drool about.'' I frowned and I couldn't even think about it. It felt so wrong.

''Like about Sebastian?''

''Fuck no. I meant someone hot.''

''I know. So do you need something?''

''Can't I even call my favorite girl without having an ulterior motive?''

''Magnus, you always have a motive.''

''Not this time, I swear. When is Alec coming home from college?'' He finally asked.

''I knew it. I don't know. Jace didn't tell me.''

''You didn't ask. But I have to go. Bye.''

''Bye.''

I threw my pink phone on the other side of the bed. Magnus and I started hang out when Junior high started. I was kind of a loner before. Sure I used to hang out with Jace and the rest of the gang but no one else. I guess I didn't need anyone. Izzy was the one with the fierce temper and Alec was the quiet one. The Lightwoods adopted Jace when he was little. I don't know what happened to his family because it would feel rude to ask.

''Hey Jace what happened to your mom and dad?''

So I never asked about them.

Izzy and Alec are coming home soon.

I Can't wait.

* * *

**''The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me''**

**I love that sentence...**


End file.
